edg: (loserpig)
I honestly had forgotten about LiveJournal (like, it didn't occupy a space in my conscious mind at all) until I saw someone on Twitter talking about how they got crap for having a four-letter .com address, and that reminded me of all the crap I got from people who wanted to do LJ roleplaying as EDG from Gaming Guardians, and then I thought, "Hey, I haven't checked LJ in a while," and it turns out that I entirely forgot to do a year in review in December, and here it is mid-April, so you know, why the hell not?

It's weird that it's been longer since I defunked this journal than it was between when I started it and when I defunked it. It was such a huge part of my life that it feels like the duration of my active use should have been two or three times longer than my absence, but here we are.

Last year I started a business, called Delight Specialist. It's where I put most of my creative effort these days, and I encourage you to go check it out.

Lots of stuff happened late last year that I don't really want to get into in a public forum, but suffice it to say that I'm still dealing with the fallout, that I'm not happy with any of it, and that as a result I might be packing up entirely and leaving Indiana behind. It's a hard decision (made harder by the fact that I have no money) but I think it's the right one. Nothing left for me here now except memories, which I can take anywhere I want.

I've made it a goal to spend at least 50% of my time traveling. I haven't even left the state since January 2, and I haven't been outside Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Delaware since 2007. That's kind of sad considering the kind of wanderlust I have, and I think it's time that that changes. I might be buying an RV if I can put the money together, in which case, strictly speaking, 100% of my time would be spent traveling. I like that idea a lot.

I think that's about it for right now - a general idea of what I've been up to.

Tell me about yourself! How have you been? What have you been doing? Is there anything amazing that I should know about? Comments are screened, so go nuts.
edg: (Old Me)
So, it's been about two and a half years since I really used this journal. Some pretty significant things have changed since then, and I wanted to give everyone who's still reading an update on my life.

First off, I'm now blogging at Lost in Translation, over at my website, etherjammer.com. You can also find me on Twitter as @etherjammer.

You might also be interested in my new website, Small Town Chef. It's not quite up and running yet, but you can join in the forums, follow the blog, and sign up to be notified when the site does go live.

I'm 29. I'll turn 30 in August next year.

In May 2007 I graduated from Earlham College with a Bachelor of Arts in Classical Language and Literature, with a language focus.

In June 2007 I married Holly, a fellow Classics major at Earlham, after an engagement of 16 months. The wedding was held in Lansing, MI, and we honeymooned in Orlando. We still live in Richmond, Indiana, which is where Earlham is located.

I'm still working for Johns Hopkins - we just had a paper accepted on which I'm co-author - although that ends in June 2009. Also ending in June 2009 is my contract position with the Butler Hill Group, doing work I can't talk about (I always feel like a spy when I say that). I got that job through my old friend Ben, and one of my co-workers is my rather newer (but still very, very good) friend Jess.

Even though I don't comment much, I read Livejournal pretty much daily.

I play more World of Warcraft than I should. Right now I'm focused on the last 1.2-million-XP push to 80 on my draenei priest Theande, on whom I also got the Explorer achievement today.

I don't do as much writing as I'd like to, and my art and role-playing have pretty much stalled. It'd be easy to blame that on World of Warcraft, but I'm well aware that there are a lot of underlying psychological problems that are causing the lapse, and that the WOW focus is a symptom, not a cause. For some reason I find all three (writing, art, RP) stressful enough that it seems to my subconscious mind like a better long-term solution to escape than to confront them.

In mid-September, my son Alex came to live with me after some deliberations that I'm not comfortable talking about in public without everybody else's permission. He will, however, be staying with us permanently.

We have three cats. Originally, it was Zach and Edward, whom we brought home in September 2006; in September 2007, we rescued Tippie from a construction site and ended up keeping her; and in June 2008 Edward died after a long fight with a massive respiratory infection, and we brought Finn (properly Captain Frederick Wentworth) home at the end of July.

In July of this year, I was diagnosed with gout, which I apparently inherit from my father. This month, I had an eye exam performed for the first time since late 2002, and discovered that my vision has been steadily degrading for a while; I now wear glasses (at a mild prescription, but since I also inherit eye problems from both of my parents, I'm not sure how long "mild" will last).

I don't really think there's anything more to tell about where I am now. As for my future - I'm gearing up to get back into school, studying architecture or urban planning (perhaps a Master's in UP and a doctorate in architecture). I'm looking forward to working with Holly to figure out where we want to be in the future, so that we can start planning and saving for that.

Now you know where I am in life. I don't know when I'll post again, but it probably won't be for a while, so if you want to tell me anything, comments on this post - or on Lost in Translation, or on Twitter - are the best way to get hold of me.
edg: (Broken)
As of this morning, the white lines on the screen are only intermittent: when I open the laptop, the lines appear for about thirty seconds and then vanish, leaving the correct pixels in place. (I'm not sure what the exact mechanism is, but I do know that it's not just that there are white lines masking the correct pixels; I'm just describing what it looks like.)

I'm sure that this is a symptom of something else, but for now it's nice to be able to parse what's on the screen without having to interpolate every other pixel.
edg: (You bet your life)
From Mark Rosewater's column Type 1, Take 2:

"Why are you drifting away from Richard Garfield's vision?"

I've heard this complaint numerous times so I decided to go right to the source and ask Richard. "Richard," I said, "Has R&D drifted from your vision?"

His answer, "No."
edg: (Writing II)
The Million Dollar Experiment
In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I intend $1,000,000 to come into my life and into the lives of everyone who holds this intention.

More later.
edg: (iCicero)
Edit 8/24/13: Wow, this was a terrible fucking idea. But seven years later I've finally matured enough that I can work with the responses I got, so I'm still immensely grateful for them, at least.

This is a form of personal therapy. I'll state that right up front so no one's confused about it. I am trying to fix myself.

Please read this. I know that it's dense, but it's important to me that you read it.

One of my problems has always been that I tend to sublimate disappointment and upset. I don't mean that to read as though I don't ever show outward symptoms; I always do. (Whether they're noticed by anyone else - well, that may well be a different question.) I mean that I do my best to suppress the symptoms, and the upset and disappointment themselves. This has led me to a point where any upset or disappointment, no matter how minor, has disproportionate effects, because I have the pressure of something like fifteen years of sublimation to add to whatever I'm feeling. And as a result, not only is it getting a lot harder for me to suppress and sublimate my disappointment and upset, but pretty much all of it gets blown out of proportion in my mind.

The problem with this is that I'm too good at suppression. It's getting harder, but I also know exactly what I have to do to sublimate anything that comes my way, up to a certain point. So I've been spending a lot of time lately isolating myself from everything, a lot of time doing nothing - or ultimately meaningless things that make me feel better (and I don't need to hear about how making me feel better gives the activity meaning, thanks, because no, it doesn't) - a lot of time sublimating. Eventually this will get to the point where I'm not leaving my apartment for days at a time because I don't want to have to deal with the "inevitable" disappointment of the outside world. And I really, really don't want to get to that point.

What I'm looking for is catharsis.

I want something to hurt me so badly that I can't suppress it. This isn't a masochistic urge; it's a self-preservation urge. I don't want to have to keep lying about how I feel to the people I care about; I don't want to end up not interacting with anybody, ever. I want to be able to say "I'm just fine" and mean it. I want to stop avoiding people because I'm afraid of how they'll disappoint me, or of how I'll disappoint them. (Or how I'll disappoint myself.)

In the words of one Tyler Durden, I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Hurt me. I am inviting it. If you have ever held something back because you thought I wouldn't like it, tell me. If you have ever wanted to hurt me and stopped yourself for any reason, let it loose. If there is anything you want to tell me that you think will devastate me, I welcome it. Please hit me as hard as you have ever wanted to. I just want to feel anything other than this cold pressure in my chest.

I am screening comments to this post; in return, I ask that you not post anonymously. (If you can see this, you have a LiveJournal account, so there's no problem in that regard.) I will not respond to any of them in comments, although I may respond by email, especially if you ask me to. I will not hold anything that you say against you; if I did, this wouldn't work. On Wednesday I will be private-locking this post forever. What you say here is between you and me.


Jan. 22nd, 2006 09:41 am
edg: (I know!)
I think I fell asleep at about 9:15 PM last night, give or take fifteen minutes. (Actually, not take; I remember seeing 9:11 on the clock.)

I just woke up.

I wonder if maybe I was a little tired.
edg: (Blip!)
It's snowing outside. There's at least an inch and a half of accumulation, and possibly two. I've missed the snow. I know a lot of people hate it, but I actually actively like winter and snowfall.

Sometime in the next few weeks I'm going to have to return to full-time work. I'm not sure that's actually a positive, per se; but it will get me some things that I need, like insurance and the ability to pay my bills. (Unfortunately, this means that I'm going to be spending even less time online than I already am, but I'm not entirely convinced that that's a bad thing.)

Three cups of coffee on a full stomach produces a less pronounced jitteriness than three cups of coffee on an empty stomach. I'm glad I waited until after I ate this morning to have those three cups. (It doesn't help, though, that I suspect that those three cups - from SAGA - were brewed more strongly than usual.)

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who shows up early for CGI, although in some respects it's also nice to have the room to myself.

This is the one that you might actually want to pay attention to: In the wake of one of my recent posts, I've decided to stop posting creative work to this journal. The stated goal of posting my work to this journal is to get feedback; all of the "it's your journal, do what you want with it" arguments aside, it seems that most of you aren't actually interested in (or don't have the time for, which gives the same end result) my work. The latter is incompatible with the former, and so in the interest of clearing up my journal and not being disappointed by the stated goal not being fulfilled, I'm simply going to stop posting creative work here. This doesn't mean that I'm going to stop creating, and in fact I find it highly likely that I am, instead, going to start putting creative work on a website somewhere and create an RSS feed for newly-posted work.

(I did consider using [livejournal.com profile] etherjammer as a way to get work on the web, but in the end, it suffers from the same flaw that this journal does: my posts there don't get comments. Likewise with Aleae Iaciens, although I'm a little less sensitive about that venue for some reason. The object of putting work on my website is to mitigate the frustration I feel at not receiving comments, since I probably won't be providing a way to leave them - and if I do, it'll be an email address or something.)
edg: (Broken)
My social interaction parser is broken, perhaps fatally so. I know that there are non-standard social interaction patterns out there - and by "non-standard" I mean "anything other than generic friendly behavior"; the problem is that I don't see half of them, and when I do notice one, I throw an error, stop interacting, and don't start interacting again until the error is resolved, either because I've figured out what went wrong or because the pattern stopped.

For perceived negative non-standard interactions, I assume a write error: I have done something wrong. I won't start interacting again until either the pattern stops or I've figured out what I've done wrong.

For perceived positive non-standard interactions, I assume a read error: I am misinterpreting this. I won't start interacting again until either the pattern stops or I've figured out what the pattern really is.

In neither circumstance am I necessarily right.

There are two major consequences of this. The first is that I tend to stay away from social situations unless I am explicitly invited into them (this extends, in extreme circumstances, to leaving groups that have formed around me), and to leave a situation I've entered if I happen to notice a perceived negative non-standard interaction - and remember, "standard" for me is "generic friendly", so even basic neutrality often comes across as negative!

The second consequence is that I very often simply don't notice or understand what you might consider basic social cues, which means that, quite frankly, you can't rely on them to convey information. If you want me to know something, you must tell me, or you run the risk of not getting your message across.

I'm sorry about this. I really, really wish I were different. I really wish I could figure out how to be different, but I can't.
edg: (You are here)
...to start a semester not feeling like I'm unwelcome and being an imposition everywhere I go.
edg: (Blip!)
  • Today was enrollment confirmation at Earlham. (Discovered about half an hour before enrollment confirmation ended. Fastest shower I've ever taken.)
  • My old roommate Dave will apparently be in town tomorrow afternoon.
  • Video games are fun, but they're not work.
  • I can spend a full hour tracking down a piece of trivia about a web browser if I'm in the right mood.
  • Although my major declaration was complete, and although it was approved by the registrar, it never actually went through.
  • Apparently [livejournal.com profile] phosphodae is a junior. Who knew? (For some reason I'd gotten it into my head that you were a sophomore!)
  • Laundry is not very much fun to do in the rain; nor is it very effective when you have to carry the clean laundry across about 200 feet of open space. (This is why I will be doing laundry tomorrow morning.)
  • A Band-Aid on my nose is not as distracting as I thought it would be.
edg: (They call me the working man)
Or, y'know, at least Kalypso.

I'm back, finally, in Richmond, this time to stay for a while (instead of for six hours like I did last time). Alex is with his mother.

I now know how to get to Detroit Metro Airport from just about anywhere, where Bowling Green, OH is ($A_CERTAIN_PERSON, if I hadn't thought I'd wake someone up, I'd have called), and exactly how irrationally bitchy people get when their plane is delayed (hint: they have to connect the jetway and open the door before you can get off the plane; "we've already been delayed an hour and a half and now they want us to wait a few more minutes?" is a direct quotation, and was said in all seriousness. As was "we should sue them for compensation for our time").

Now, sleep. I hope.
edg: (Me)

  • That I will avoid personal melodrama wherever I can;
  • That I will remember that it is all right for me to be happy;
  • That I will be dedicated in school and work;
  • That I will not make assumptions about how people feel about me;
  • That I will make better use of my time;
  • That I will not let my past unduly affect my ability to consider the future.
edg: (Blip!)
in richmond

dilemma: unload or sleep?

dilemma solved; couldn't sleep, so unloaded.
edg: (In Motion)
Home (well, in Maryland) at last. As of 2:45 AM. So you can stop worrying now.

(Also? Hate dial-up. Hate hate.)

Thought foremost on my mind: does Cells, Genes, and Inheritance still use the same textbook that it did five years ago? Because I already have one of those.

Thought secondforemost: god damn but it's cold in here.


Dec. 28th, 2005 12:25 am
edg: (Me)
I had a brief talk - maybe 10 minutes - with my father tonight. I'm leaving for Indiana, and thence Maryland, tomorrow, and he wanted to know if there was anything I needed to talk about. I said something like "Oh, everything's okay, I just wish I weren't so full of self-doubt", which launched a conversation whose central thesis was pretty much "you need to get rid of that self-doubt".

None of the following text has been edited from the way in which it originally appeared in this journal. It has just been cut away for various reasons.

Read more... )

In my life, I have been a spendthrift, a liar, a thief, and a cheat; I have hurt people and neglected my responsibilities as a person and a member of society. I am truly sorry.
edg: (<3)
And so I offer you this simple phrase
For kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said many times, many ways --

Merry Christmas to you
edg: (Santa Bunnies)
(Anyone have a spare Clarence? I could use a dose of perspective.)


Dec. 23rd, 2005 01:34 am
edg: (Bunnies)
[livejournal.com profile] fadethecat, [livejournal.com profile] phosphodae: the cable cut out a little after midnight, and didn't come back until just now. I'm sorry for disappearing so abruptly, and I'll try to catch you tomorrow.

[livejournal.com profile] jelynne, have a good vacation! I'll see you when you get back.

♥ ♥ ♥
edg: (Distant)
I have arrived.

My online-ness may still be off and on over the next week or two, but I'll be around more often than I was this past week.

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