Goals

[edg]

or, Holy Crap, That's What I Look Like From The Side?

So here's the trouble with goals: I don't know how to set and keep them. I'm not very good with setting internal consequences for not meeting goals. (You may read that as "I don't have very much willpower", if you like.) So I have a problem with getting things done, as long as there are no consequences imposed by external forces.

How is this done? How do you find a good balance between "unmotivating" and "unrealistic"? How do you motivate yourself to do something if the only pressure to do it is yourself?

Comments

[archangelbeth]

It depends on the thing. Sometimes it's Sheer Stubborn Willpower that turns it into a habit. Sometimes there's actually an outside pressure -- I do the litterboxes every week because if I let the downstairs ones go... it gets much, much nastier and I eventually have to do 'em anyway.

On the other hand, I don't manage more generic housekeeping. O:

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

It depends. When I was saving up to quit the big red bank, I was able to balance want-manga with want-to-be-free. But this past summer, I hemmorhaged (sp?) money like mad. So, I guess it depends on what the willpower's for.

But technically, my stance is, "willpower is for other people".

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

I...do not know. Though in general, I've only had luck meeting self-made goals if I really care about the results. Things only get cleaned if I find I want to look at someting clean, and I have a very hard time writing anything unless I want to know how it turns out.

[sariel-di.livejournal.com]

I'm also not really good with goal-setting/meeting, but...

- It actually helps me hugely if I don't have other people remind me about it. The reminders tend to piss me off even if they're not intended to, which means that I go from "I'll do it eventually, if slowly" to "I will froth while I do it or I will refuse to do it at all". >_>

(Honestly, with a lot of chores and whatnot, I tend to just class it as "something to do". Completely neutral, maybe vaguely interesting depending on my mood at the time. Which is less incentive to do it by and large, but more incentive than "I hate this but I have to do it" would be.)

- Habits and schedules are great. In high school, my schedule was something like "eat dinner, then start work on homework". Since I'd eat dinner pretty soon after getting home, that'd give me plenty of time to work slowly on homework. Didn't make the homework any more pleasant, but with enough time I could multitask HW and the MU* effectively, and that made me more willing to do it overall.

- Carrot. Carrot carrot carrot. [grins] As long as it's a carrot you can make yourself not take (or at least not take easily) if you don't follow through with the goal. (My default carrot for practically anything was "if I get this done soon, I get lots of time later to slack off and do [thing I'm into] and not worry about it", but different carrots might work better for different things.) Do not stick with just the stick, or else you're going to feel like it's a frustration catch-22. At least part of the stick should be "lack of carrot".

And that's...about all I can think of off the top of my head. [scritchies lots] [wishes luck at goal-meeting...]

[cpip.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, man. This is in part why I look not too dissimilar from the side.

[telerib.livejournal.com]

If you go to the Self Help section of the bookstore, you will notice that it is huge. You are *so* not alone in having trouble with goal-setting. And I've found that even if someone is good at setting and meeting *some* kinds of goals, that doesn't translate to *all* kinds of goals. (For myself, while I have confidence that I can meet many self-imposed goals, I have no confidence at all that I can change my body weight, by any amount, within any timeframe.)

Some of the tried-and-true-for-some-people goal-setting techniques are:

* Be specific and concrete. I have not yet learned much Italian at all because I bought a "Speak Italian Now!" CD and set myself the goal of "learn to speak Italian." This was too general and, critically, there was no time limit past "before the honeymoon," which was too far in the future. I should have "learned Lesson One this week. Then learn Lesson Two next week. Then..."

* Set time limits. Deadlines are motivating for many people. If this is going to send you into a spiral of pressure and guilt, maybe this is not good for you. It can be very hard to judge the right time to give yourself. Too long and you have no pressure; too soon and it's impossible and you'll let yourself down. I've found it helpful to take a loving, nonjudgemental approach with myself. If I miss a deadline, I ask myself if I *could* have met the deadline and didn't because I was screwing around, or if I had made an unreasonable demand on myself, or if Life Just Happened. Then I have to answer myself *honestly.* If it was my fault, then I resolve to Do Better Next Time, but really - what's the point in punishing myself past that? Missing the goal is its own punishment.

* Get a buddy, because being totally self-directed is *hard.* A partner gives you someone you can't let down. Whether it's knowing that someone is waiting for you at the gym, or that you need to have something for the writer's circle, or that you need to practice your part for the band, having other people counting on you helps to motivate.

* Write goals down. This makes them real. Some people advocate making public announcements - it's sort of like having a buddy in that the idea is, if other people are expecting you to do it, you may be more likely to do it. If that idea doesn't appeal to you, you can still write down your goals for yourself. Post them where you will see and read them daily, or even write them daily.

* I am totally in favor of habits, but habits are rarely goals in and of themselves. You can't set a time limit on a habit, for one thing. Instead, they are behavior patterns that allow you to get goals done. If I make a habit of practicing my harp daily, I am more likely to achieve my goal of learning three new pieces to play for my grandma the next time I see her. If I do not go to the gym regularly, I will not meet my goal to be increasing the weight on my bicep curls. And so on.

* My motivation source is that I *want* something. If I want it badly enough, I will work for it. I kicked around the idea of exercising more since I was *13.* I sporadically tried walking or other exercise for years - very sporadically. Like, three days of enthusiasm. Once, a whole six weeks of regular gym time in college. It wasn't until 2002 or 2003 - 14 or 15 years after I was 13 - that something inside just clicked, and I started working out regularly. I'm not, at the moment - the dissertation is leaving me too wasted - but I will go back to the gym. I know it, because I *want* to go the gym, I *like* going to the gym. Never thought those words would come out of my fingers five years ago! But (after a rocky start and time enforcing the habit) it's true now. (And I like going to the gym even though - even though! - it seems to have *nothing* for my weight loss/body shape goals.)

[telerib.livejournal.com]

Hmm, comment too long. Continued!

If you think you *should* do something but don't *want* to - there indeed is the problem. The picture and caption make me think you're thinking of fitness goals in particular here; for that, you might be able to enlist a doctor for some external pressure. Between the student health center and the student athletic center, you can find someone who will help you to develop a goal plan and, most importantly, you can meet with this person on a semi-regular basis to help you track your goals. Also, if the activities you mutually select are not helping you meet your goals, they can suggest alternative healthy strategies. People's bodies react *very* differently to diet and exercise; if they didn't, there would be One Fitness Plan to Rule Them All and all competitors would go out of business. :) It's frustrating as hell to spend time on a fitness regime or diet only to learn that it *doesn't work for you,* but that's the only way to find one that does, unfortunately.