On fiddles and wheels

For much of my life, I have felt not good enough. It doesn't really matter what the subject is: I'm not good enough in life, not good enough in love, not good enough at my job or my hobbies.

It's not always an accurate assessment, but it always feels accurate. And because I've felt this way for so long, it's started ("started"?) creeping into my motivation.

"I'm not good enough, I've never been good enough, there's no reason to believe I ever will be good enough, so why should I try when I know I'm going to fail?"

Even with Secret Project Q, I don't feel good enough. I finished it. I got the finished draft in a week and a half before the deadline. But I didn't make my personal deadline, I didn't make my second personal deadline, and when I got it in ahead of the concrete deadline, someone pointed out that I had missed one detail in the source material that made several parts of what I'd written inaccurate at best. I was told not to worry about it, but it's been on my mind ever since: yet another reason I don't make the grade.

I'm not sure I can finish this now. More later, maybe.