On fiddles and wheels

[edg]

For much of my life, I have felt not good enough. It doesn't really matter what the subject is: I'm not good enough in life, not good enough in love, not good enough at my job or my hobbies.

It's not always an accurate assessment, but it always feels accurate. And because I've felt this way for so long, it's started ("started"?) creeping into my motivation.

"I'm not good enough, I've never been good enough, there's no reason to believe I ever will be good enough, so why should I try when I know I'm going to fail?"

Even with Secret Project Q, I don't feel good enough. I finished it. I got the finished draft in a week and a half before the deadline. But I didn't make my personal deadline, I didn't make my second personal deadline, and when I got it in ahead of the concrete deadline, someone pointed out that I had missed one detail in the source material that made several parts of what I'd written inaccurate at best. I was told not to worry about it, but it's been on my mind ever since: yet another reason I don't make the grade.

I'm not sure I can finish this now. More later, maybe.

Comments

[miscellanny.livejournal.com]

If it's any help, I know exactly how you feel. And you are, you know. You're a good person. You're better than 'good enough'.

[seriphina.livejournal.com]

For much of my life, I have felt not good enough. It doesn't really matter what the subject is: I'm not good enough in life, not good enough in love, not good enough at my job or my hobbies.

I think there is a slow echo in my head.

[cpip.livejournal.com]

I hear you, bro.

And, if it's any amusement or comfort to you, you're one of the people I look to and say, "I'm not as good as HE is."

You finished SP Q. You DID get it in. Hells, I gather you were ASKED to write it.

Do you have any idea how much cooler than me that makes you? ;)

[archangelbeth]

And besides, that one esoteric point is one I looked at and glossed over myself, which is going to come under fire in the playtest to see whether pixels or print-on-paper wins. I think pixels have logic on their side, as well as playability, personally.

I'm just being conservative about it because it's lasted a long while without comment (probably a lot of people ignore it), and I want to give it a fighting chance before gutting it like a trout. Kind of a fair play thing. O:>