Nobody notices.

[edg]

I am angry, and sad, and lonely, and wistful.

I am rage and fury, the wrapped-up injury of twenty-three years given voice and form.

I am cold and tired, all my disappointment come full circle.

I am lost and forgotten, disappeared in a crowd of six billion more important.

I am hope starved, waiting for a ship that foundered years past.

And nobody notices.

I can't let them. If I do, it gives them a weakness I can't afford. It gives them a way to hurt me, and I can't allow that.

So I bundle it up neatly, fasten it with buttons and zippers and a thousand tiny threads, and hold it inside, and add when I need to. I put on my smile and tell them I'm fine. And when my bundle finally begins to burst its seams... it's only a headache. I can still smile through it.

(I am love, too, and forgiveness. I am healing and listening and repenting and absolving; I am a thousand things which nobody - nobody who sees my shell - will ever know.)

(I am angry, and sad, and alone.)

Comments

[solaas.livejournal.com]

*big, massive hug*

Sounds like you've hit a massive case of ! Be nice to yourself.

[buzzbattlecat.livejournal.com]

People do hear you. There's a lot of us out here, listening quietly, not always knowing what to say or if its appropriate to say anything at all...
Sometimes, just the act of writing and sending your message out into *lj-space* helps, at other times I find that if I read enough of other people's posts, I begin to see that others go through the same kinds of things I do, feel and think and see and speak and act little mirrors of my own life, and that's an amazing validation to be getting freely from people I will probably never know in person :)
You are not alone my dear.