Comebacks

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Stolen from http://www.snopes.com/risque/celebrit/ellison.htm. All text is © 2003 Urban Legends Reference Pages. This is not the complete text of the page to which I refer; please see that page for further details.


Related by Isaac Asimov, 2002:

This reminds me of my absolutely favorite Harlan Ellison story. People in the field are afraid to tell it out loud, but I will do so. Harlan and I are such good friends that I know he won't kill me, especially when I tell you that I'm sure the story is quite fictional. Of course, he may maim me a bit.

The thing is that Harlan is short and in the days before he married his present fifth wife (who is his own size and with whom he is happy at last) he could not resist going about with giant showgirl types, all of them topping him by two or three feet.

The story goes, then, that Harlan approached one of these giraffelike women, fixed her with his glittering eye, and said, "What would you say to a little fuck?"

And she looked down at him and said, "I would say, 'Hello, little fuck.'"

But Harlan Ellison is by no means the only contemporary figure about whom this type of legend has been spread. Consider a similar anecdote also told by Isaac Asimov, this one about 3'11" actor Michael Dunn (best known for portraying the evil Dr. Miguelito Loveless in the TV series The Wild, Wild West) spotting the "statuesque and unbelievably gorgeous" actress Sophia Loren at a party:

Dunn nudged his agent: "You know Sophia Loren. Introduce me."

The agent said uneasily (for he knew Dunn), "Do you promise to behave yourself?"

"Absolutely. Cross my heart."

So the introduction was carried through. Dunn looked up, up, up at the beautiful Sophia and all his good resolutions vanished like snow in August. "Boy," he said, "would I love to fuck you."

Sophia Loren looked down, down, down at him and said coolly, "Well, if you do - and I ever find out you did - "