The lawnmower hates me.

Imagine a gas-powered push-mower. This mower's handle has two arms that rise from the sides of the engine deck for about a yard and then right-angle in to meet in the middle; essentially, it's every push-mower ever made. The handle assembly has a "hinge" (actually, it's two pieces, joined by bolts) that allows it to fold in the middle for storage or transportation. This handle assembly originally had nuts with large black easy-turn knobs on each bolt, but we've lost several of these over the years and had to replace them with standard quarter-inch nuts.

The last time I mowed the lawn, the nut that holds the left arm of the handle onto the engine deck loosened and came off. I couldn't find it when I searched, so I finished mowing by only turning in the opposite direction and using friction with the bolt to hold the arm on. Since that was really tiring, yesterday I went and bought a pair of quarter-inch nuts - one to hold the arm on, and one as a spare.

When I got home, I discovered that the nuts were not, in fact, 1/4" in diameter; they were 7/32". Such a minor difference - but it meant that they didn't fit the bolt. I did manage to scrounge an easy-turn nut from the other, non-functional mower (its engine died - it may be flooded - and I haven't gotten around to taking it to Sears to have them look at it. Since this is the second time since we bought it this time last year that the engine's died like this, I'm tempted to have my father just return it); the easy-turn nut was the same bore as the bolt, but had different threading, so I just locked it in place and hoped for the best.

That nut held just fine.

But the other bolt on the left-arm assembly - the one on the "hinge" - fell off while I was mowing yesterday, and now I can't find it. (I did find the easy-turn nut that was attached to it, but the bolt was nowhere to be found.)

So today I have to go to a different hardware store with the easy-turn nut from the second bolt - which I checked against the bolt on the engine deck; they're the same size - and say "okay, I need a bolt that'll fit this nut; and then I need a nut that'll fit that bolt."

Meanwhile, Alex is better at Kingdom Hearts than I am.

The lawnmower hates me, pt. 2.

Halfway to the hardware store, I realize that I've forgotten the easy-turn nut - so I can't measure the bolt against it. Curses. Still, I press on, not wanting to add twenty minutes to my errands just to get a piece of plastic and metal.

In the hardware store, my brain turns over: the easy-turn nut doesn't necessarily have to go at the hinge. I know the bore of the easy-turn nut because it fits on the engine-deck bolt, and I know the bore of the engine-deck bolt - 1/4". Therefore, I don't need to find a bolt that fits the easy-turn nut - I just need a quarter-inch bolt, and a nut that fits it.

I buy these, as well as a locking washer and spares for each.

I come home and everything fits together perfectly.

I start mowing the lawn.

The right arm starts getting loose.

Memos to self

• Learn to write with child around. (Substitute "work", "packing", or "school" for "child" as time-appropriate.)


• Convince child to adjust to an Eastern-Time schedule. (This is compounded by his bedtime being later than mine.)


• Do not decide that you're not good enough to deserve love. (Even if "I'm just keeping you from the happiness you deserve" happens to have been true in at least two cases.)


• Figure out how to convince your brain that you're not 16 years old anymore, and shouldn't be reacting like a 16-year-old.

HOLY CRAP

In Nomine: Liber Umbrarum is now available on e23. A new supplement by, er, me, Liber Umbrarum is the Book of Ghosts, giving additional detail and lots of new information on phantoms - and the people who hunt them - in the In Nomine world.