And how much of that, pray tell, is merely your own inner voices whispering, and how much is them actually telling you, "Yo. Buddy. Get outta Indiana 'fore we get the tar 'n' feathers?"
Je ne sais pas. It's a combination of general feelings of hostility and the distinct impression that people don't actually want to be around me.
(Except, of course, when they've forgotten to bring their books. Then I'm their best friend, because regardless of how poorly I feel that they think of me, I'm generally willing to share.)
Talking about Poetry? I think people are just thrown that you have something to say. You look like the quiet type, and then you speak [!], and it's usually something no one's thought of yet. They're just digesting your words.
It's not just Poetry, actually - I get this vibe from almost all of my classes. I have a feeling that you might have hit close with your assessment, though; I think this vibe comes from knowing more than I'm Supposed To, if that makes any sense. The Classical Studies majors have a little clique in Words & Works to which I'm not invited, and everybody else seems hostile, possibly because I'm a "rogue" Classical Studies major; I feel like the only people who really don't have a problem with my being in Reading Latin are the first-years; and I'm apparently too talkative in Intro to American History.
The only class I don't get this vibe from is American Political Thought, and that's almost certainly because it's 90% lecture.
[snip] The Classical Studies majors have a little clique in Words & Works to which I'm not invited [/snip]
Cliques have one major word: baa-aaa.
Y'know, being a 'rogue' isn't a bad thing. My friends and I were our own group that played euchre (including the shouting, and my personal... 'best' of shouting FUCK really loudly at a bad play then wanting to sink through the floor) throughout our lunch hour(s) and spurned dressing like slobs. (It was a Catholic high school, which meant uniform. Most students would break the dress code whereas we didn't bother to.) The weirdest part? Something like three years later, a random student at Guelph stopped me on one of the walkways and asked if I went to STM. He apparently remembered me. o.O;
Be a rogue! Walk your own path, and people will likely respect you for it. :)
How much of an age difference is there between you and your classmates? The age range in my class is from about fifty to eighteen, and I'm not having that much of a problem - but then again, there are sixteen people in my class.
When I was at culinary school, even though the age range was about the same there was a lot of grouping along age lines simply because there were a hell of a lot more people. I was only twenty-one and I still felt excluded sometimes.
But whatever the reason, don't sweat it. In fact, screw them and their petty little narrow-minded cliquety ways. If they feel weird having you there, then that's their problem and not yours. Similarly, if they forget their books then it's their problem, not yours. Letting them look over your shoulder is fine up to a point - but it's not your job to take care of them.
That's me, of course. I'm a very mean person and I really don't give a damn anymore about whether people like or want to have me in class. If they do, it's nice, and if they don't, it's fine; I'm there to learn and I'm going to do it.
And that's the cheese of it: what are you in class for, and will their feelings and personal preferences have any effect on that?
I had a similar experience when I was in Yokohama for a language course. The other participants in the course were all rich kids from ivy league schools. This program was expensive, but I was the only one paying for the program with my own money. That combined with the fact that I hadn't gone to an ivy league school separated us. I felt very isolated. But none of that had anything to do with why I was there. It was lonely for a little while, but I was there to study and I concentrated on that. Eventually I made friends with like-minded people. Do not let close-minded people distract you from your goals.
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(Except, of course, when they've forgotten to bring their books. Then I'm their best friend, because regardless of how poorly I feel that they think of me, I'm generally willing to share.)
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Anyway, I like you there. =]
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It's not just Poetry, actually - I get this vibe from almost all of my classes. I have a feeling that you might have hit close with your assessment, though; I think this vibe comes from knowing more than I'm Supposed To, if that makes any sense. The Classical Studies majors have a little clique in Words & Works to which I'm not invited, and everybody else seems hostile, possibly because I'm a "rogue" Classical Studies major; I feel like the only people who really don't have a problem with my being in Reading Latin are the first-years; and I'm apparently too talkative in Intro to American History.
The only class I don't get this vibe from is American Political Thought, and that's almost certainly because it's 90% lecture.
Anyway. Thanks again. :)
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Cliques have one major word: baa-aaa.
Y'know, being a 'rogue' isn't a bad thing. My friends and I were our own group that played euchre (including the shouting, and my personal... 'best' of shouting FUCK really loudly at a bad play then wanting to sink through the floor) throughout our lunch hour(s) and spurned dressing like slobs. (It was a Catholic high school, which meant uniform. Most students would break the dress code whereas we didn't bother to.) The weirdest part? Something like three years later, a random student at Guelph stopped me on one of the walkways and asked if I went to STM. He apparently remembered me. o.O;
Be a rogue! Walk your own path, and people will likely respect you for it. :)
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...wait, wrong kind of rogue. Don't mind me.
(But you get such cool class abilities!)
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(Anonymous) 2005-09-01 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)Pee.Ess. I loved your shirt today. LOVED. Adored. Still do. Present tense.
I should wear my Horde shirt next Tuesday... ^^;
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Thank you! It's a Websnark (http://www.websnark.com) shirt. I'm glad you like it. ^_^
(And yes, you should!)
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When I was at culinary school, even though the age range was about the same there was a lot of grouping along age lines simply because there were a hell of a lot more people. I was only twenty-one and I still felt excluded sometimes.
But whatever the reason, don't sweat it. In fact, screw them and their petty little narrow-minded cliquety ways. If they feel weird having you there, then that's their problem and not yours. Similarly, if they forget their books then it's their problem, not yours. Letting them look over your shoulder is fine up to a point - but it's not your job to take care of them.
That's me, of course. I'm a very mean person and I really don't give a damn anymore about whether people like or want to have me in class. If they do, it's nice, and if they don't, it's fine; I'm there to learn and I'm going to do it.
And that's the cheese of it: what are you in class for, and will their feelings and personal preferences have any effect on that?
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But none of that had anything to do with why I was there. It was lonely for a little while, but I was there to study and I concentrated on that. Eventually I made friends with like-minded people.
Do not let close-minded people distract you from your goals.