edg: (loserpig)
2015-12-28 11:32 pm

Has it been two years?

It has been two years.

I, um.

Nothing has changed.

Oh god, nothing has changed.

I am living in the house my parents own but do not live in, performing basic maintenance. I am relying on the kindness of others for income. I am ... 36 and, by any objective measure, not doing what I was put on this earth to do.

February 2015 will mark four years since I had a job.

The kid is 15 and will be 16 in March.

I still have depression and anxiety, and being at the maximum level of medication doesn't seem to be helping.

Well.

2016 is the year I'm going to turn it all around. Just wait and see.

And in the meantime, if you have anything you'd like to say, now's the time.
edg: (iCicero)
2013-10-22 01:22 pm

Dear Yuletide Author (2013)

My dear author,

Thank you for taking the time to write for me this year! I hope the algorithm has matched you well, and that what you receive is as good as what you give to me. :)

Of course, I'm making no demands of you. Optional means optional! But I thought I'd give you a little background on each fandom and my connection with it.

General

No porn that features underage characters or that caters to specific fetishes, please. Gen, het, same-sex, light bondage: A-OK. Scat, inflation, S&M, etc.: no thank you.

I like to be surprised, but I'd like it to make sense (that is, give me a twist that in retrospect seems inevitable, and I'll be happy as a clam at high tide). I like plot a lot, and two or three plots at once is even better. I like unexpected (but sensible; see above) victory against seemingly-insurmountable odds. I like characters being clever, but I like to be able to go back and see how they got their information and where they drew their conclusions. ("Ohhh!", not "Huh?".)

Verisimilitude is more important than realism. Gender-swapped Gladstone/Disraeli slash on a steam-powered Martian spaceship? Go for it, if the internal logic works.

If you write one of these fandoms crossed with a fandom that's not listed here, that's okay, but please let me know how to get information on the other fandom! I'm not as plugged in as a lot of participants, and I don't even know what most of the open fandoms on Yuletide this year are - and crossovers are only fun if you know both sources, or if you don't need to know them to understand the fiction.

Unless I specifically requested characters, don't feel constrained by the nominated characters. For the most part, it's the fandoms I'm interested in, not the specific people.

In Nomine

In Nomine is a role-playing game by Steve Jackson Games, about the War between Heaven and Hell, and about the very personal way in which it's fought. I started playing In Nomine in 1997, and volunteered as the online resource coordinator from 1999-2005 or so; I edited one supplement for the game (Superiors 3), wrote another Liber Umbrarum (The Book of Ghosts), and playtested several others. This should not dissuade you from writing for this fandom! The fact that I've been so involved with In Nomine means that I love seeing what other people do with it, and some of my favorite IN fiction has ended up bearing very little resemblance to the canon.

I don't really have any fandom-specific requests or prompts here, except that I'm particularly fond of redemption stories, the politics of the setting, and serious, informed explorations of the religious themes.

I've been posting some of my own In Nomine fiction on AO3, which you should feel free to look over if you'd like an idea of what I like to write.

The Newsroom

The Newsroom is a one-hour dramedy series, airing on HBO and written by Aaron Sorkin, about the jobs and lives of the crew and anchor of a late-night cable news program, "News Night". The first season is available on DVD, and it's perfectly okay to stop there (since the second season isn't so available yet).

I'm just as interested in the behind-the-scenes of television as I am in the personal lives of the characters, if not more so. One interesting thing about this fandom is that because of its setting - a cable news/interview show - it can pretty easily be crossed over with nearly any other fandom, and it'd be interesting to see Will, Mackenzie, etc. interact with Gladstone, an In Nomine angel desperately trying to avoid revealing herself as a celestial being, etc. Alternately, take a real-world event - or make one up! - and show the characters responding to it in the context of producing a news program.

Don't feel obliged to limit yourself to the listed characters, but those are the ones I know best, so they're the ones I'd prefer to read stories about.

19th Century CE RPF

Disraeli, Gladstone, the middle of the Victorian era, and the British Empire at the height of its power. For all that I'm fascinated by the era and the characters, I actually don't know much about them, so do what you like!

...except that now I kind of do want to see gender-swapped Gladstone/Disraeli slash on a steam-powered Martian spaceship.

Greek Mythology and Ancient History RPF

I graduated with a BA in Classical Language and Literature. I love this stuff. But again, as with In Nomine above, be not afraid! One of the joys of studying myths and legends - and, let's face it, ancient history is as much legend as anything - is discovering how many of them there are, and how many versions of each show up. I am as interested in mythography as in mythology. If it's good, it doesn't matter if it matches "the myth" (besides which, the appropriate response to "it doesn't match the myth" is "which version?").

Among my favorite historical figures are Peisistratos (6th-century Greek aristocrat-turned-king whose attempts to become king are so ridiculous they become sublime) and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petronius>Gaius Petronius Arbiter</a> (adviser to Nero and author of the first known novel, the <em>Satyricon</em>), but don't feel limited to them; they're just the sort of people I enjoy hearing about. Original characters in historical settings, or original myths and histories using established figures, are perfectly okay. <strong>Wrap-Up</strong> Once again, thank you for writing for me - I hope you have fun with it! If you have any questions, you should be able to leave an anonymous comment here; otherwise, I look forward to seeing what you've come up with!
edg: (iCicero)
2013-10-21 09:28 am

Good morning!

How are you today?
edg: (loserpig)
2011-04-19 04:45 pm

Bananas of a poet

I honestly had forgotten about LiveJournal (like, it didn't occupy a space in my conscious mind at all) until I saw someone on Twitter talking about how they got crap for having a four-letter .com address, and that reminded me of all the crap I got from people who wanted to do LJ roleplaying as EDG from Gaming Guardians, and then I thought, "Hey, I haven't checked LJ in a while," and it turns out that I entirely forgot to do a year in review in December, and here it is mid-April, so you know, why the hell not?

It's weird that it's been longer since I defunked this journal than it was between when I started it and when I defunked it. It was such a huge part of my life that it feels like the duration of my active use should have been two or three times longer than my absence, but here we are.

Last year I started a business, called Delight Specialist. It's where I put most of my creative effort these days, and I encourage you to go check it out.

Lots of stuff happened late last year that I don't really want to get into in a public forum, but suffice it to say that I'm still dealing with the fallout, that I'm not happy with any of it, and that as a result I might be packing up entirely and leaving Indiana behind. It's a hard decision (made harder by the fact that I have no money) but I think it's the right one. Nothing left for me here now except memories, which I can take anywhere I want.

I've made it a goal to spend at least 50% of my time traveling. I haven't even left the state since January 2, and I haven't been outside Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Delaware since 2007. That's kind of sad considering the kind of wanderlust I have, and I think it's time that that changes. I might be buying an RV if I can put the money together, in which case, strictly speaking, 100% of my time would be spent traveling. I like that idea a lot.

I think that's about it for right now - a general idea of what I've been up to.

Tell me about yourself! How have you been? What have you been doing? Is there anything amazing that I should know about? Comments are screened, so go nuts.
edg: (Old Me)
2009-12-15 01:38 am
Entry tags:

2009: The Year in Review

To be honest, it all kind of blurs.

I'm still with Holly. Alex is still living with us. He's struggling in school - not educationally but socially. We have a menagerie of dogs and cats now. We moved to a new house in June; drop me a line if you want the address for some reason.

Most of my online social time is spent on AIM/Gchat/MSN or on Twitter. I've moved my World of Warcraft blogging to Duct Tape and a Prayer. Over the summer, my site was the victim of a script injection by Russian hackers, and I had to nuke it to the ground. I've saved the archives of Lost in Translation, but I decided to start fresh rather than re-uploading everything. Sadly, I haven't actually gotten started yet. It's been months. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

In June my contract with Butler Hill ended. I picked up some subcontracting work doing web design and development, but it didn't pan out, and we parted ways at the end of August. My regular work with Johns Hopkins finally ended last Friday. Holly's taken over dealing with the financial side of things so that I can work out my life issues, which she's doing in large part with her copywriting business, Cottage Copy. She focuses on small businesses - 5 people or less - who sell handmade creations; think Etsy sellers. If that sounds like your cup of tea, head on over and check it out.

With the help of some friends, I've figured out that - at least for the next few years - what I really want to do is write, with software development as a secondary vocation and art and design as hobbies. I'm having a hard time getting going on that. I took a break from the Internet and online life last month, and got huge amounts done - but since I ended my self-imposed exile, I've gone back to zero productivity. Clearly I need a change.

I truly miss having in-person friends. Honestly, at this point I don't even really have more than a few online friends whom I see or really talk to - I can count on one hand the people I've had actual conversations with in the last week. There are plenty of people to chatter at on Twitter, but it's not the same thing.

I think that about sums it up. Comments are screened, and I won't unscreen without your permission, but I'll do my best to respond. Beyond that, I'm still reading LJ, even though I rarely comment; beyond that, I'll see you next year. Wish me luck.
edg: (Old Me)
2008-12-14 11:02 pm
Entry tags:

A brief update

So, it's been about two and a half years since I really used this journal. Some pretty significant things have changed since then, and I wanted to give everyone who's still reading an update on my life.

First off, I'm now blogging at Lost in Translation, over at my website, etherjammer.com. You can also find me on Twitter as @etherjammer.

You might also be interested in my new website, Small Town Chef. It's not quite up and running yet, but you can join in the forums, follow the blog, and sign up to be notified when the site does go live.

I'm 29. I'll turn 30 in August next year.

In May 2007 I graduated from Earlham College with a Bachelor of Arts in Classical Language and Literature, with a language focus.

In June 2007 I married Holly, a fellow Classics major at Earlham, after an engagement of 16 months. The wedding was held in Lansing, MI, and we honeymooned in Orlando. We still live in Richmond, Indiana, which is where Earlham is located.

I'm still working for Johns Hopkins - we just had a paper accepted on which I'm co-author - although that ends in June 2009. Also ending in June 2009 is my contract position with the Butler Hill Group, doing work I can't talk about (I always feel like a spy when I say that). I got that job through my old friend Ben, and one of my co-workers is my rather newer (but still very, very good) friend Jess.

Even though I don't comment much, I read Livejournal pretty much daily.

I play more World of Warcraft than I should. Right now I'm focused on the last 1.2-million-XP push to 80 on my draenei priest Theande, on whom I also got the Explorer achievement today.

I don't do as much writing as I'd like to, and my art and role-playing have pretty much stalled. It'd be easy to blame that on World of Warcraft, but I'm well aware that there are a lot of underlying psychological problems that are causing the lapse, and that the WOW focus is a symptom, not a cause. For some reason I find all three (writing, art, RP) stressful enough that it seems to my subconscious mind like a better long-term solution to escape than to confront them.

In mid-September, my son Alex came to live with me after some deliberations that I'm not comfortable talking about in public without everybody else's permission. He will, however, be staying with us permanently.

We have three cats. Originally, it was Zach and Edward, whom we brought home in September 2006; in September 2007, we rescued Tippie from a construction site and ended up keeping her; and in June 2008 Edward died after a long fight with a massive respiratory infection, and we brought Finn (properly Captain Frederick Wentworth) home at the end of July.

In July of this year, I was diagnosed with gout, which I apparently inherit from my father. This month, I had an eye exam performed for the first time since late 2002, and discovered that my vision has been steadily degrading for a while; I now wear glasses (at a mild prescription, but since I also inherit eye problems from both of my parents, I'm not sure how long "mild" will last).

I don't really think there's anything more to tell about where I am now. As for my future - I'm gearing up to get back into school, studying architecture or urban planning (perhaps a Master's in UP and a doctorate in architecture). I'm looking forward to working with Holly to figure out where we want to be in the future, so that we can start planning and saving for that.

Now you know where I am in life. I don't know when I'll post again, but it probably won't be for a while, so if you want to tell me anything, comments on this post - or on Lost in Translation, or on Twitter - are the best way to get hold of me.
edg: (You and your "Facts"... (Goats))
2007-08-17 07:39 am

A brief interruption of silence

A few of you read my weblog or use the Ataxia forums (no link to discourage spiders), and will want to know this:

I've been informed by my webhost (Dreamhost) that they're having serious network and DNS errors, which is why etherjammer.com has fallen off the internet. It's not permanently gone, and everything on the servers is still there, but it may be the better part of a day before it comes back online.

Sorry for the inconvenience.
edg: (Default)
2007-05-16 08:29 pm

I'm still checking LJ

By the way, I am still reading my friends list. But it's very occasional, and I'm commenting even less.

Just so you know. I am still around, just in a somewhat ghostly fashion.

That said, I'm out again.
edg: (Default)
2007-05-16 08:23 am

A brief update

It's been more than a year since I posted here.

I'm still working for Johns Hopkins. I'm also doing freelance science writing and data analysis (although I'm having a hard time getting that going), I'm doing landscaping and construction work for a former professor, and I'm thinking about dropping it all to become a full-time writer.

A week and a half ago I graduated from Earlham College with a BA in Classical Studies. Right now, I have no plans to pursue further formal education.

Just before I stopped posting here, I met and fell in love with a woman named Holly. We're getting married at the end of June.

I still live in Indiana, with Holly and two cats. (The cats are new.) I still have too many books for my bookshelves. I'm still struggling with depression. I still spend too much of my time playing World of Warcraft.

I don't have a paid account anymore, which is why you can't see the pictures in some earlier posts.

I can't really think of anything else to say, so I'll end this here. See you next year - or at Lost in Translation, my new weblog.
edg: (<3)
2006-04-01 09:34 am
Entry tags:

In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love

Spring has rolled around again, and with it the sight of happy couples poking their heads out of their burrows, not being scared off by their shadows, and coming out to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. Forget Valentine's Day - Spring is the lord of love, and now that the depredations of March have fallen by the wayside, you can see affection blooming all over. Why, the season is enough to make even the most chronically dateless out there wish that they had someone's hand to hold, someone's cheek to caress, someone's ear into which to whisper sweet nothings.

Those who are perennial bachelors, watching and wishing and remaining dateless year after year, might pray for guidance - "how can I, too, get a date?". In the past, even the best options for finding a partner have been scattershot, using unscientific methods to generate poor matches, and these solitary men and women have sunk farther and farther into despair. Is there no hope? Can no one help these brave, lonely, unlucky men and women?

Google™ can help.

Introducing the new Google Romance™. With Google Romance, you can:

  • Upload your profile – tell the world who you are, or, more to the point, who you’d like to think you are, or, even more to the point, who you want others to think you are.

  • Search for love in all (or at least a statistically significant majority of) the right places with Soulmate Search, our eerily effective psychographic matchmaking software.

  • Endure, via our Contextual Dating option, thematically appropriate multimedia advertising throughout the entirety of your free date.


Google Romance™. Because, when you think about it, love is just another search problem.



(Hat tip: [livejournal.com profile] archangelbeth. Some text from http://www.google.com/romance/.)
edg: (Broken)
2006-03-29 10:21 am
Entry tags:

Apple gnomes

As of this morning, the white lines on the screen are only intermittent: when I open the laptop, the lines appear for about thirty seconds and then vanish, leaving the correct pixels in place. (I'm not sure what the exact mechanism is, but I do know that it's not just that there are white lines masking the correct pixels; I'm just describing what it looks like.)

I'm sure that this is a symptom of something else, but for now it's nice to be able to parse what's on the screen without having to interpolate every other pixel.
edg: (Disappointed)
2006-03-28 08:20 pm
Entry tags:

A U G H

Today, we learn what happens when you are a fucking moron and accidentally knock your fucking laptop off your fucking desk five weeks before you would have made the final payment on the loan that let you buy the fucking laptop.

For the people whose bandwidth sucks )

It is by the grace of God, I think, that nothing else seems to be permanently damaged - I just have thin white bars across the middle of my screen, and the screen itself is loose in its casing (or the casing is loose around the screen, I'm not sure). The "mouse" button was stuck, and the casing of the bottom half of the clamshell was popped open, but I managed to fix those.
edg: (You bet your life)
2006-03-26 02:42 pm
Entry tags:

A brief anecdote

From Mark Rosewater's column Type 1, Take 2:

"Why are you drifting away from Richard Garfield's vision?"



I've heard this complaint numerous times so I decided to go right to the source and ask Richard. "Richard," I said, "Has R&D drifted from your vision?"

His answer, "No."
edg: (Writing II)
2006-03-26 12:54 pm
Entry tags:

An odd thought experiment

The Million Dollar Experiment
In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I intend $1,000,000 to come into my life and into the lives of everyone who holds this intention.


More later.
edg: (In Motion)
2006-03-25 07:33 am
Entry tags:

The strangest places

Today, the Toronto Star's website (I don't get the Star, so I don't know if it's in the print edition) ran an article on flattery, toadies, and sycophants in the workplace. Now, naturally, you'd want a good pull-quote for an article like this, something that captures the essence of what you're writing about neatly and concisely.

So, of course, you go to fan-created material for a role-playing game with relatively little market presence:

"A Sycophant's resonance is for flattery. They have the ability to know what a given person wants to hear and what the person doesn't want to hear. Given enough time, the demon may stroke a human's ego, play to his fears and slowly but inexorably isolate him from anything that might possibly contradict his increasingly incorrect view of the universe. Once a Sycophant has his hooks in a mortal, it's only a matter of time before the victim is effectively useless."

— from the fantasy game
In Nomine


(Hat tip: [livejournal.com profile] cythraul.)
edg: (Broken)
2006-02-06 11:00 am

(no subject)

Mal: Gotta say, Doctor, your talent for alienatin' folks is near miraculous.
Simon: Yes, I'm very proud.
edg: (iCicero)
2006-01-23 02:54 pm
Entry tags:

[Friends] And the air just keeps on thinning the higher up you get

Edit 8/24/13: Wow, this was a terrible fucking idea. But seven years later I've finally matured enough that I can work with the responses I got, so I'm still immensely grateful for them, at least.

This is a form of personal therapy. I'll state that right up front so no one's confused about it. I am trying to fix myself.

Please read this. I know that it's dense, but it's important to me that you read it.

One of my problems has always been that I tend to sublimate disappointment and upset. I don't mean that to read as though I don't ever show outward symptoms; I always do. (Whether they're noticed by anyone else - well, that may well be a different question.) I mean that I do my best to suppress the symptoms, and the upset and disappointment themselves. This has led me to a point where any upset or disappointment, no matter how minor, has disproportionate effects, because I have the pressure of something like fifteen years of sublimation to add to whatever I'm feeling. And as a result, not only is it getting a lot harder for me to suppress and sublimate my disappointment and upset, but pretty much all of it gets blown out of proportion in my mind.

The problem with this is that I'm too good at suppression. It's getting harder, but I also know exactly what I have to do to sublimate anything that comes my way, up to a certain point. So I've been spending a lot of time lately isolating myself from everything, a lot of time doing nothing - or ultimately meaningless things that make me feel better (and I don't need to hear about how making me feel better gives the activity meaning, thanks, because no, it doesn't) - a lot of time sublimating. Eventually this will get to the point where I'm not leaving my apartment for days at a time because I don't want to have to deal with the "inevitable" disappointment of the outside world. And I really, really don't want to get to that point.

What I'm looking for is catharsis.

I want something to hurt me so badly that I can't suppress it. This isn't a masochistic urge; it's a self-preservation urge. I don't want to have to keep lying about how I feel to the people I care about; I don't want to end up not interacting with anybody, ever. I want to be able to say "I'm just fine" and mean it. I want to stop avoiding people because I'm afraid of how they'll disappoint me, or of how I'll disappoint them. (Or how I'll disappoint myself.)

In the words of one Tyler Durden, I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Hurt me. I am inviting it. If you have ever held something back because you thought I wouldn't like it, tell me. If you have ever wanted to hurt me and stopped yourself for any reason, let it loose. If there is anything you want to tell me that you think will devastate me, I welcome it. Please hit me as hard as you have ever wanted to. I just want to feel anything other than this cold pressure in my chest.

I am screening comments to this post; in return, I ask that you not post anonymously. (If you can see this, you have a LiveJournal account, so there's no problem in that regard.) I will not respond to any of them in comments, although I may respond by email, especially if you ask me to. I will not hold anything that you say against you; if I did, this wouldn't work. On Wednesday I will be private-locking this post forever. What you say here is between you and me.
edg: (I know!)
2006-01-22 09:41 am
Entry tags:

Oops

I think I fell asleep at about 9:15 PM last night, give or take fifteen minutes. (Actually, not take; I remember seeing 9:11 on the clock.)

I just woke up.

I wonder if maybe I was a little tired.
edg: (Me)
2006-01-20 12:03 am
Entry tags:

Batgirl, redux

If anyone's curious, I've posted a colored and shaded version of my earlier Batgirl sketch here. I'm clearly not even as good at coloring or shading as I am at drawing. ;)
edg: (Bad math)
2006-01-18 11:34 pm
Entry tags:

Balancing costs

Among the things I get to figure out in the next few days is this particular problem:

Is it more expensive to drive to Maryland, get the books I left behind, and return to Indiana, or to buy new copies of the books?

Moreover, the problem has a corollary:

If it's more expensive to buy new copies of the books, is the cost difference worth the time it would take and the difficulty of digging through all of my books to find the ones I need?

I really should have thought of this when I was there three weeks ago. In my defense, I not only thought I already had these books in Indiana from when I moved out in August, but also didn't know that I was going to be needing them.